This is Going to Hurt a Little.

Okay everyone, this is for YOU!!

I think most everyone has heard it now…that quote..the one about “doing something every day that scares you”?

Have you done anything yet today that scares you?

Do you want to be brave today?

Well, here’s your chance!


This is a chance to empower someone today and send a message out into the world.

Here’s where it gets a little more challenging…(no pain, no gain right?)

 

It’s NOT going to be a positive message.

Wait…what?

That’s right. I’m going to ask you to remember a specific instance…one that you probably have tried to shove deep down into a little pit in some part of your stomach. (Where we put things that we don’t want to admit to ourselves.)

I’ll get to the details in just a minute (keep reading!)

Here’s the thing.

All too often, I see people who are more than willing to share “good deeds” they have done. I have done it myself, and I’m sure most of you have too. We are proud of ourselves and there is nothing wrong with that don’t get me wrong. If we do something nice, naturally, we want credit for it. We want to be noticed and applauded. It is a huge confidence booster and confidence is what keeps us moving from one place to the next right? Sort of. It gets us places that’s for sure. But aren’t we forgetting something that also moves us forward? I’m talking about forgiveness.

SO many of us are holding onto to so much negativity and pain. We live day to day and year after year with that thing over our heads…REGRET.
We are moving forward, but we are not cleaning up our messes that we’ve left behind.

In order to do that, we need to forgive our past mistakes (whether we made them on purpose or not) and we need to do it out loud A LOT more. If we can admit our mishaps, then we can let go of them and in letting go, we are telling others it’s okay to do the same.

We can only gain the experience we need to get through life by learning. So I’m asking you today to share a little piece of your “experience” today. You will not only be helping yourself but so many others who need it.

I’m going to need some participation though in order for this to WORK so don’t let me down okay?

All I’m asking you to do is describe an instance (in the comments section of this post) of a time when you could have helped someone….and didn’t.

 

I know…ouch. It almost hurts to type it. It hurts because you don’t get any gold medal for the act you “didn’t do”. Share it anyway.Share it for those who are holding on to their regrets who need to know it’s OKAY to let go. It takes courage to share something we’re not proud of and that’s what this post is all about. We are promoting courageousness, empowerment and support! If we can bring light to the things that we “aren’t doing” then we can more clearly see what we will have the courage to do in the future.

So give it a shot.

Hoping to hear from you all!

 

16 thoughts on “This is Going to Hurt a Little.”

  1. When I was in the sixth grade I was standing on line to take the school bus home. Several of my life-long friends were my bus mates as well. As we played and talked, I overheard a boy tell my friend that she was no longer the object of his desire, that he had transferred his affections in my direction. He was a gawky, red-haired boy with tons of freckles, and obese. I liked him, he was my friend; but for some reason I was so freaked out and upset by this confession/announcement and embarrassed by the public nature of it that I took off my desert boot and hurled it at his head with all my might. It hit him in the eye and his eye swelled and blackened instantly. It just seemed like the thing to do at the time. Of course with time and reflection, I punished this sweet boy for liking me enough to risk everything he had. I will always be ashamed.

    1. I feel like most of the things I feel the worst about were probably middle school/high school age. That is such a weird stage in life..it’s like your story; it’s an age where you KNOW better but you completely surprise yourself with the actions that you take. I think it is just a strange navigational period where we test our boundaries/voice/actions etc. I have a similar story to this one actually and I think it was also in the 6th grade: Our choir class was going to some kind of competition and it was an overnight stay. On the bus ride there, there was gossip that got to me about a boy named Chris who liked me and he was afraid to tell me because he thought I didn’t like him back..well he finally got up the nerve to come sit by me (very brave of him). We talked the whole ride there and when we got to the hotel we were staying at he asked me if I’d be his girlfriend. I sort of panicked, I felt like I couldn’t say no after we had been sitting by each other the whole way so I said yes. We stayed at the hotel (girls in one room, boys in another) I saw him very little during the actual trip and then on the bus ride home he say by me again. I barely talked to him. When we got back to the school we all were standing in a big group waiting for our parents to come pick us up and someone made a comment like “hey I heard Regan is going out with Chris now!” and I immediately said (right in front of him) “Eww, no I’m not guys, I was just sitting by him were NOT going out” and he walked away obviously very upset. Never talked to him again. I still feel really awful about it.

  2. I can’t be too specific but I will share something recent. Something I deal with daily. I work at a mental health center. My job primarily is to take calls from patients with medication problems. I have several that call multiple times in between appointments. It’s frustrating. Sometimes something is wrong and sometimes not. One person I would get so annoyed with ended up learning they had a terminal illness and had a year or so to live. It made sense about why I was frustrated then. That person died two weeks later. I never got to speak to that person again. I never had a chance to listen and understand.

    1. Oh wow Jade, that has to be weighing very heavy on your heart ((hugs)). Thank you so much for sharing that, I feel like these are exactly the type of situations where we wish we could go back and change it…but maybe that’s not what the plan is ya know? Maybe it was supposed to happen so that we are more empathetic to in the future. If you had never known that the patient passed away, would you have felt the same? I hope you can forgive yourself and realize that you are human and let go of any hurt you associate with that memory. Thanks again for sharing, so brave of you!!

  3. I will never forget the time that I called my friend a “faggot.” Yes, you read that correctly. I intentionally used that word toward a friend of mine.

    It was about 6 years ago, and I was a freshman in college. A friend was staying the night in my dorm, but we started bickering. I don’t even remember what we were bickering about, but I remember feeling really angry with him and really wanting to say something that was going to hurt his feelings. I wanted to say something that I KNEW would get a reaction out of him, so I used that word. As soon as it escaped my mouth, I started crying. I knew what I had done, AND I had done it with mal intent. He fell silent, left my room, and didn’t speak to me for days until I basically begged him to forgive me. What makes it worse is that this friend is gay, but hadn’t come out of the closet to anyone yet. Although I apologized and have never ever EVER used that word again (I really had never used it before that), I still feel pangs of guilt, shame, disgust, and horror at what I had done.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story Jordan! You are very brave for it and I hope this helps you to move forward.

  4. So I have been thinking about this this evening and I feel like there are so so many things I could write about. I have regrets for many things and I think that I noticed a pattern in my life. Regan mentioned how we like to get praise for things we do that are nice. Understandably. But I feel I have a personality flaw that goes one step further. I will think of different ideas or make plans in my head that would be nice or help others and I get excited and think oh that is a great idea that’s so nice Tarra. And then that is it. I never seem to follow though! Sometimes life gets in the ways, sometimes I forget, and sometimes money constraints hold me back but a majority of the time I just don’t do it.
    This is something I need to work on because I could have helped so many people. The things I am thinking of are not huge but it is those little things we do for others that can make their day. One example is last year we found out Madison’s teacher is pregnant with her first baby. I wanted to show up this year and bring her something a present or a card and then I completely forgot. I felt good at the time for thinking of the idea but then I saw her and I couldn’t be like hey I was going to bring something but I didnt. I felt lame.
    Another example is a friend of our had a baby and we wanted to make them dinner and it never happened. It is those little things that drag me down that I try and hide in that scary pit of the stomach place that seems to be my brain’s favorite vacation spot late at night.
    Anyways, I am going to work on my follow though. Somethings can still be done and others can be altered it doesn’t have to be a big I just need to stop thinking I am a great person for only thinking of nice things to do, and I need to actually do them.

    1. It’s funny that you say this, because I do the same thing. I have really great intentions most of the time and then I can’t follow through and end up just being embarrassed about it. I get really excited, like you mentioned, at the thought of all the nice things I could do for people and then I just don’t do it. I don’t think it’s a character flaw in you personally though, I think that as a society maybe we are (most of us) “good intentioned” and maybe that’s a place to start. It’s easy to just say, “damn, I never did that thing I was gonna do” and to brush it off. But like you said, and I do it too, it seems like it is a lot more often than we think! Then when you factor in all the other people who do the same thing….So much opportunity for kindness is being wasted! (I’m totally not trying to make you feel bad, I’m just sort of having a revelation of my own!) Thank you for the insight!!

  5. Was LITERALLY thinking about this randomly on my run tonight. Good timing on the post. We should all do a little more of this.

    In high school, while eating dinner with my mom and stepdad, my mom was breathing really heavily and eating with her mouth open. It’s a huge pet peeve of mine. But Mom had been struggling with a lot of sinus issues and legitimately couldn’t help it. I lost it after about five minutes and yelled at her. I don’t remember exactly what I said but immediately regretted it as soon as the words left my lips. It was something like, “Are you going to make it?!” in a really sarcastic tone.

    Mom dropped her fork, my stepdad stared at me slack jawed, his face slowly turning a dark, rageful red. He quickly clenched his jaw and through his teeth said, “You will NOT talk to your mother that way.”

    We ate the rest of the meal in silence, except for Mom’s quiet weeping.

    It was by far the most hurtful thing I’d ever said or done to someone in my life. EVERYTIME I think about it, I feel daggers in my gut. I really need to make a point to apologize to her as I t was just such a needless hurt to generate in this world and reflected a complete lack of empathy.

    1. *Crying* That was brave to share that and thank you so much for the comment! It gut wrenching reading the comments I’ve received so far because I know how bad it hurts to think about the things we (as people) have done to others, whether i be ones we love or otherwise…it all hurts the same when we reflect on it. But it is cathartic at the same time. I hope you can open up that communication with your mom and you both can move forward without the burden of that memory. I appreciate your courage!!

  6. I keep an empty gas can in my trunk now because I have run out of gas in the middle of nowhere more than once and have been stranded for hours been stranded in the heat been stranded with no money no gas no cell phone reception nothing. Just had to sit and wait until someone happen to drive by with enough gas to get me down the road to the next gas station.
    I recently passed a man on the side of the road, in the middle of nowhere. He was holding a hand written sign that said “need gas”. I just so happened to still have about a gallon of gas in my two gallon can. If I had stopped, he may have had enough to start his car and coast down the hill to where he could have walked to the gas station of the exit. But I was in a hurry. I was tired, I wanted to be home. The man could have been trying to lure a concerned, helpful young woman into his vehicle on a deserted road in the middle of nowhere. But he was most likely a father, a brother, a son, a friend…a human being stuck with no gas in the 105° heat, desperate for a kind hearted soul to help him. And I drove right on by.

    1. Also, I just want to say that I hope you can forgive yourself for not stopping. Maybe, in that situation, you weren’t supposed to stop. The fact that you feel sorry about it at all shows your character though and it’s the empathy you felt about it that sets you apart. Love you.

  7. About 30+ years ago I saw a lady sobbing in her car at the Kindergarten where my stepson attended. I really felt I should go over and ask her what was wrong, could I help? My home was only a few blocks away, she could come over for a cup of coffee and just relax. But, I didn’t. It still bothers me that I didn’t approach her. I can still see her so very clearly all these years later and I pray that she was/is okay. It doesn’t seem like much to be ashamed of, but I feel so deeply that I should have talked to her.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing Terri! It may not seem like much to someone else…but obviously it has weighed heavy on your heart. That’s what this post is all about, realizing that the things we hold onto weigh us down and that maybe through getting them out we can use them in a positive way instead. I know you said it has been over 30 years, but maybe you can let go of it now..I am SURE that since that day you have also helped many people or consoled someone who needed it. Again, thank you for sharing, YOU ARE COURAGEOUS!

Leave a Reply